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A single mom from the Dominican Republic, Elayna Fernandez said she often felt uneasy and filled with mistrust during visits to the pediatrician with her two children nearly 20 years ago. She said the relationship was mostly “clinical and transactional.”
Everything changed when she saw a new pediatrician, and he made a simple comment: “I was raised by a single mom.”
“Those seven words caused that single tear to roll off my cheek, but it was a tear of joy,” Fernandez said. “I felt that mistrust and that resistance melting off of my being. That’s where it was created, a space for collaboration. This shift in communication helped me see him as an activist, an advocate and an ally, or what I like to call a caring partner.”
Fernandez shared her story during the plenary session “A Parent’s Perspective on How to Help Children and Families Thrive” at the AAP National Conference & Exhibition.
Fernandez was born and raised in a slum in the Dominican Republic. Her housing situation in the United States wasn’t much different for her and her daughters, even though she worked multiple jobs. She pretended things were fine with her children’s first doctor because she worried he may “deport or report” rather than “support.”
“I was the single mom and sole provider of my family,” Fernandez said. “I often felt trapped and defeated. I often wondered if I could survive my intrusive thoughts.”
Finally feeling safe, she opened up to her new pediatrician. She shared her goals, ideas and dreams at those appointments.
“I was very open to recommendations and willing to ask for help and receive community support,” Fernandez said. “Some of those referrals and resources were lifesaving.”
One such resource, she recalled, was a weekly program for single parents “where I felt like I was not alone in the world anymore, where my daughters could also make friends and get coping strategies for grief that we were feeling, and they had so much fun.”
Known as the Positive MOM, Fernandez is an author and storyteller who has spoken at the United Nations and is founder of thepositivemom.com blog.
She told the pediatricians they have the same power to create relationships that make patients and families feel supported.
To foster such relationships, she asked pediatricians to be intentional in implementing practices to create emotional safety and build trust with patients and caregivers as partners. She also encouraged use of inclusive, sensitive and supportive language and to become more culturally competent, impact-centered and trauma-informed.
“My pediatrician looked for details that would connect the both of us,” Fernandez said. “His nonverbal cues and his style of communication let me know that he saw my color. He saw my colonized and enslaved ancestors. He saw that I belong to a historically marginalized and minoritized community. He saw me, and that meant everything to me.”
Her oldest daughters, Elisha and Elyssa, now are 22 and 21 years old, and Fernandez is raising what she calls her “second crop,” daughters Eliana, 11, and Elydia, 4. She has found a similar rewarding relationship with their pediatrician.
“When we first met, she put so much effort consistently in learning how to pronounce my name,” Fernandez said. “I will tell you that when she says ‘Elayna,’ it’s like a love letter to me.
“These pediatricians are not only advocates and champions for health, they are advocates and champions for care,” she said. “Thank you so much for becoming a champion of both health and health care because you are providing and making possible that children, youth and adolescents everywhere can thrive. And for that, I am grateful to you all. You inspire me.”
