Television is bad.1–78 Television is sinisterness wrapped in evil surrounded by bad.79–119 Nowadays one cannot even find the switch to turn such a device on without a flashlight and some tweezers. Unless of course you have the remote, but that is nowhere to be found and has an array of buttons that would intimidate all who are not familiar with such an array and some of those who push those same buttons on a daily basis. Television is the sole cause of obesity and bilious temper in children and all depravities in adults, leading to the notion that television should be cornered, beaten, and shot in a dark alley or maybe just corralled and put in a cage for circus or museum viewing. We, at the Hospital for Children Who Do Not Feel So Well, have decided to address this ubiquitous challenge to healthy living in a novel,...

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